Today I’m Not Okay, and That’s Okay
Hey, there!
We all have those days, yeah? When we just want to shut the world out and have a dedicated time to breathe.
Just breathe.
Lie in bed.
Stare at the ceiling.
Not move a single inch.
Listen to nothingness.
And. Just. Breathe.
Do it with me. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. There. That should do it. Well, we ~ I’m ~ still not at my best (it’s difficult to pull yourself out of your own drowning thoughts in a matter of a few seconds), but at least I’m well enough to share a little something about mental health. You may ask me, “why now, of all days, when you’re not mentally okay?” Well, dear friend, it’s World Mental Health Day! The very purpose of this day is to raise awareness about mental health issues especially in this time of the pandemic wherein nearly everyone is affected by it – mentally, physically, emotionally, socially, and financially. It also aims to assess yourself and your current state. This is me, literally assessing the current state of my mind, yeah?
Before we move on, I would like to ask you to please bear with me as I struggle in getting my thoughts in order. This could be a really long post, so I’m already thanking you in advance.
To be able to talk about the topic properly, let’s first ask ourselves, what is mental health? According to MentalHealth.gov, mental health "includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices.“ Furthermore, well-being is defined by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention as “the presence of positive emotions, the absence of negative emotions, satisfaction with life, fulfillment, and positive functioning.”
Getting all the technicality out of the way, it’s safe to say that mental health is a vital part of our daily lives. Being mentally stable helps us to function every day and to keep our relationships with other people intact. Heck, it’s important in how we view ourselves. There are a lot of factors that can affect mental health and how you can be diagnosed (which you can view in detail here), but allow me to speak casually about my own battle with mental health issues, as I am not an expert and I can’t speak for the general population.
Let me take you briefly down memory lane. Over five years now, I was unofficially diagnosed with depression. I didn’t go to the doctor to get psychologically tested, but I did feel a lot of the symptoms: I cried at random times and in random places throughout the day; I didn’t eat enough, and when I did, I puke everything out; I slept too much; I slept too little; I had trouble smiling; I panicked a lot; I didn’t talk much; I isolated myself; I had a hard time concentrating; I felt tired all the time; I didn’t read a single book (which is a very big sign that I'm not well). I was away in college at the time, and I felt all those things for months. Before this, I only ever went home to the province once or twice a month. But during my bouts of...extreme sadness…I went home once or twice a week. I only felt joy when I was at home, but then I also wail at home. It was a major issue. What got me through most days (and nights) was being on the phone with my mom every night – when, previously, I only spoke with her at least once a week. And crying. Crying got me through downhills and uphills. I was just miserable.
On a brighter note, I’m in a much better state now, but still not completely. I feel like having extreme mood swings and persistent anger issues (because of my short fuse) will forever be problems I’ll have to deal with and try to manage. I still feel anxiety over trying to make everyone around me comfortable even when I am not. I’m positive that I’m speaking for everyone when I say that we consistently fight every day to keep our anxieties at bay, so having a bad day (or two) is completely okay and understandable. Don’t even let someone tell you otherwise. The thing is, we should allow ourselves to have room for off days and accept that it’s okay to not be okay. There are a lot of ways we can cope with mental health issues which I can’t discuss anymore as this is starting to become a novel in the making. You can look into this article for some helpful advice instead.
What I did learn about all of this is that it pays to have someone who will tirelessly listen to you. They don’t even have to respond to you, they just need to hear you out. It helps you release all your thoughts and emotions to allow you to breathe a little easier and to see things a bit clearer. This works best when the activities that are fun for you stopped being fun altogether, you know what I mean? I’m so lucky to have people in my life who keeps me sane just by giving me their time to listen to my constant ramblings and word vomits (such as this one, so thanks to you again!)
I also learned that recognizing you have a problem will help you stop spreading the negative energy. Let’s just put it this way: when you’re in a terrible mood, you lose control of the things you say and how you say it. Your day is already ruined, and you’ve also successfully ruined someone else’s day! Did that make you feel any better? No. You only ended up spreading bad mojo. Makes sense? Hell, yes! So my point is, take this mental health day to assess yourself. It’s bad enough that COVID-19 is being spread rampantly and unceasingly, we don’t need to add spreading negativity on top of it all, do we? Just remember that every one of us is suffering a different kind of pain, so we should always be more understanding of and be kind to each other.
Mental health is important, everyone. It doesn’t make you less of a responsible person if you take a break occasionally just so you can take care of yourself and your well-being. And if you have a clinically diagnosed mental health issue, it doesn’t make you less of a human. You are not alone. I can be your friend, or your listening ear at the very least! 🤗
If you’ve reached the end of this post, I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope that I’ve somehow shed a light about mental health and its normalcy that should be accepted by the public. And again, breathe. Just breathe. ❤️
XO,
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