What’s Up?

Hey, there!

It’s been over a year since COVID hooked its angry claws into the world and a little under half a year since I last wrote to you to introduce myself, so what’s up? How are you? How’s life treating you? I hope you’re okay and coping just fine. That’s all we could really do for ourselves at the moment, right? To cope and to adapt to the crazy, scary state the world is in right now.

As I sit here on my bed, trying to pour my thoughts out to catch you up on my life, I’m left blank. In everything that’s happened since the last time I wrote to you, that’s probably the only constant thing in my life: my state of blankness. It started with this cycle: When is everything going back to normal? Is my life turning out the way I hoped it would be? What should I do next? But *when* is everything going back to normal? I think my mind just chose to shut down most of the time to avoid tormenting itself with the back and forth. You could say that quarter-life crisis in itself is horrifying, but experiencing it during a pandemic that seems unstoppable is even worse.

Every day, I wake up and follow the same routine. Aside from HERstory, I still have an 8-hour job that I do from home. I fill my day doing just that, eating, and playing with my cousin in between tasks, until I don’t have anything else to do so I would just occupy myself with mindless activities. That’s all I seem to do, day in and day out. Have you ever been in that phase when you just don’t know what else you can do to make a change in your life? I’m sure you do, and I’m sure you were able to get through the hurdle. I guess what I want to say is that it’s okay to feel lost for a while as long as you know when to start finding your way back.

I didn’t expect this to sound so depressing! I’m okay, really, for the most part. I do a lot of things to keep my sanity intact and I’d like to share some of them in the hopes that you will find them helpful for you, too.

- I read, a lot. When I’m not working, I’m mostly reading. For me, it’s the best way to get myself out of my mind as I let myself dive into the lives of others. There’s no better feeling than that.

- I spend time with my family, watching countless movies or TV series to pass the time, quite literally. We sometimes (er, most of the time) find ourselves awake until 5AM because that’s how we unwind ~ until time escapes us, apparently 😅

- Journaling. I write every thought, every emotion, every untold story in my trusty journal. With quarantine restrictions, I don’t see my boyfriend as much as I want to, so writing is one of the few ways I properly get myself through to him. It’s refreshing, trust me.

That’s basically the current state of my life. I wouldn’t bore you out with any of the other details anymore. I just want to remind you that when you feel stuck, like I do feel right now, don’t let anyone make you feel like you must do something you’re not happy with. Feel the pressure just enough for it to motivate you, but not to suffocate you. It’s probably easier to be successful than to be genuinely happy; so whatever you do, always consider yourself, especially your happiness, in every decision that you make.

XO,